Hi Elena,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here. I’m going to respond to this message out of love because that’s the way I choose to live my life now. I know your message comes from an honest heart.

I was an 18 year old bride who shouldn’t have been anywhere near marriage, but felt the pressure to do so within the organizational structure of the religion.

From one year into my marriage (at age 19), I wanted out and confided in the elders (leading men of the church). I was alone in a new city 10 hours away from my family and all of my husband’s family were leaders in the church. The advice I received from the elders was that I had made an adult decision and that I needed to stick by it (forever, as we believed in being married eternally).

As a result of their conversations with me about the importance of marriage and how I should stay, I felt like a bad person because I knew I didn’t want to be in the marriage anymore.

I tried to make it work. I stayed for 5 more years. I was on antidepressants for 5 of the 6 years of marriage because I was so depressed and anxious all the time.

I was in a community that made me feel like I didn’t have control over my life. I felt like a caged animal who didn’t have a voice. I started acting out (this is a common occurance called “protest behaviour”).

I’ve owned up to, and made amends for, everything I’ve ever done. Most, if not all, would never have been known if I hadn’t spoken up.

Instead of looking to help me (“sheperd me”) when I came to them asking for help, the elders disfellowshipped me. And the process to become reinstated was the most painful two years I’ve ever been through in my life.

Elena, I hope you never, ever have to go through what I did. I don’t wish that pain on anyone.

Sharing my personal experience here has nothing to do with calling out Jehovah’s Witnesses as a religion. I’ve never said the organization was a cult. That’s too easy an answer to a subject I still feel very sad about. I feel terribly sad they choose to treat honest hearted people like this. Especially vulnerable 18 year-old women who just want to belong and feel at home.

It makes me so angry that this happens because there’s so many better ways this could have been handled. And my case is mild in comparison to very close friends who have been brave enough to share their story with me.

That’s the bigger issue here for me: the shame that gets thrown at you when you try to speak up and share your story.

I’m speaking up here because the weight of being silenced was too much for me to carry any longer. I’m standing up and being brave in the hopes that it will inspire others to be brave with their lives.

Please take a step back and choose your words to empower others, especially women, instead of put them down.

Imagine if we created safe spaces where everyone could share their stories without judgement? How would we all feel if it felt safe to speak up?